Monday, 13 September 2010

CASE 084 - The class system

The British class system is complex. So complex that even the British don't understand it, and will spend days debating just which class they, and their ancestors, are in. But the most important thing to remember about the British class system is that it doesn't matter we all economic slaves.

Underclass/Lower Class

Like the untouchables in India, the British Lower Class doesn't exist. But if they did exist, they would include the homeless and people off grid like travelers, gypsies

The Working Class

Now days the Working Class are the only class that don't work. Instead they have the unusual career of "being on the dole". They are generally represented by the poor peasant scum of the lower classes and can never hope to succeed in life, in fact many people feel that flogging peasants for the enjoyment of the upper classes is to be encouraged A skilled member of the Working Class can make many thousands of pounds a year, simply by sponging off the government. Essential skills in this class include producing children as quickly as possible (see vast, subsidised breeding system: the welfare state, preferably by several different unknown fathers (bonus points for this if you are a man). It's also helpful to be able to fake disabilities, either in yourself or in your children. Crime is an acceptable alternative career choice , but only if you are not too successful at it. This generally results in the government taking on all your living costs and relocating you to one of the several luxury hotels they run for this purpose.

Lower-Middle Class

They are petrified someone will find out they're not as Lower-Middle Class as everyone thinks. To this end, they take great pride in appearances, making sure that their doilies are pressed and their leopard print lycra carefully displayed under numerous gold chains. Somehow, people in this class manage to take elements from the lives of those above them, and change them from elegant statements of refinement and decorum into pure essence of pretentiousness and bad taste. These are people who will install a fountain in the middle of their living room, because "it's good Feng shui".The key to understanding the Lower-Middle Class, is that they believe that they are the true Middle Class and that anyone with more monogrammed gates and curtain swags must be Upper Class. When in fact, the Lower-Middle Class are just Working Class people who have accidentally got a job or secretly hide behind 10 credit cards, sell drugs and do a bit of wheeling and dealing.

Middle-Middle Class

What was once simply called the "Middle Class", is now known as the "Middle-Middle Class". Middle-Middle Class people know that these are the important things in life. The up-coming generation is the future. Although, admittedly, that future will be just as pointless and outdated as the present. Education actually counts for a lot less than you might otherwise think in the middle-middle class. Literacy is measured by the amount of outrage expressed whilst reading a copy of the Daily Mail. Productivity is measured in the amount of other sections, sub-sections, micro-sub-sections, sub-micro-sections and sub-micro-sub-micro-sub-sections of society that are "threatening" what the middle-middle class refer to as "the traditional British way of life"

Upper-Middle Class

Here you will find all those that have made their fortunes in the new egalitarian world that is Great Britain or inherited it. Coming from all walks of life, they have worked and scrimped and saved, innovated and enterprised, to rise above their humble beginnings and gain the coveted status of Rich Git. Once there, they can attempt to ingratiate themselves into the high-society despite still being relatively "rough at the edges".
These are the types that often take a Jet-set holiday to a remote location, and quite recently, have learned to feel guilty about it and so usually try to do their bit in the way of something called Carbon offsetting. Basically, that just means "paying to do what the hell you want", so really is no change from how things have always worked. The other thing they do because they care so much about the planet apparently is go and drive in their 4x4s to buy air-freighted organic food from Waitrose.

Upper Class

So the average Upper Class Brit has a wild tendency towards drunkenness, silly hats, over inflated egos, and implausibly large estates ( see bullingdon club).
The latter may give the impression that the Upper Class is rich. In fact, they are very rich. Houses of 42 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms take a lot of maintaining, especially when one has the London house, the country "cottage" (34 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms) and the larger part of Hampshire to worry about too. Which leaves our Homo superior with the impression that he is god and the lower class scum are stupid badger like creatures that work on ones estate under cover of darkness in order to escape the customary daytime floggings.


These people own more land, gold, businesses and are more wealthy than anyone on the planet, there is around 950 Billionaires in the world.

Britain's class system 'alive and well', claims research

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